June 6, 2017

From the writer who bestowed upon us, the 2016 all-female (and no laughs) reboot of Ghostbusters, comes Snatched. The film stars Amy Schumer playing Emily Somethington Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn as Amy Schumer’s mom.

While at times funny with a handful of hilarious moments, most scenes featuring Schumer playing her persona (at this point it’s difficult to call it acting) almost felt as if they were meant to make you turn your head at angles you didn’t know were possible, thinking “how is this a grown woman?”

Jettisoning all semblances of personal responsibly for her feminist fancies, Schumer – not bothered by the fact that she was just fired from her job – convinces her mom to come to Ecuador with her on vacation.

Being her usual raunchy, sexually promiscuous self in South America, however, lands her (and her mom) in serious quandaries.

After a mysterious man begins chatting up a half-intoxicated Amy Schumer at the bar, he immediately convinces her that he’s a world travelling adventure seeker who is now romantically infatuated with Amy Schumer (a scenario almost as believable the Lord of the Rings being based on a true story), nonetheless Amy Schumer, of course, goes along because GirlPowerYouNeedToHaveFunStopAskingQuestionsJustThinkHowImportantHavingFunIs.

Shortly after, Amy Schumer and her mom find themselves kidnapped, tied up, and locked in the basement of a Hispanic gangster.

Now, I’m old enough to remember when six months ago Amy Schumer was out campaigning for Hillary Clinton and browbeating Donald Trump supporters because borders are racist or something. But apparently, a single step outside the confines of your tourist vacation resort in South America transports you to a gang-run war zone you’d expect to see in Afghanistan, Libya or Detroit.

If you thought a “woke” progressive like Amy Schumer would aim to depict South America as the paradigm of leftist utopia; a welcoming tolerant population, with unmatched (and free!) health care along with all the wonderful vestiges of American capitalism, you probably haven’t seen Snatched.

I’d expect Steven Spielberg to lawyer-up, lambasting the movie as a shot-for-shot remake of Jurassic Park but for dinosaurs replaced with Hispanic gangsters (if not for budget cuts, Amy Schumer could’ve really gone all the way with this)

Snatched could not be blunter in its message. South America is a third-world hell-hole where everyone besides white American tourists is either (a) a gangster armed with machine gun and machete or (b) an incompetent dimwit living in some medieval village with the collective IQ of an avocado.

The healthcare! Oh boy, the healthcare. Despite incessant preening from leftists of the wonders that South American socialism does for healthcare, the only two doctors depicted in Snatched work in a hospital that could be the setting for the next Saw movie, whilst somehow having less knowledge in medicine than Amy Schumer herself.

Surpassing my expectations, Snatched, admittedly delivers some funny moments. All of which, however, are buried deep under the head turning — and completely unnecessary — vulgar shock-humor that Amy Schumer incessantly exudes.

Like a fine red wine, however, pours the irony that had me laughing as the credits began to roll. The takeaway message from Amy Schumer’s Snatched is: South America is a gang infested third world culture. Build that wall, President Trump.